in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
