Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
