im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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