The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize