dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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