wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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