Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
