The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
