the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
