I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
