hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
