i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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