shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
