Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
