I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
