remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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