He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
