i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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