I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish I only lived at night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
