I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
