I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
