Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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