Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
