You can't special order awesome
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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