During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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