I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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