I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
