# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
