Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
