I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
