The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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