Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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