How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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