Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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