took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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