i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
