Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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