Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
