"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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