oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
