It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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