you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
