Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
