My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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