We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
