I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
