i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
