I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize