He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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