All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
