Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
