i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
