I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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