How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
