If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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