her vagine was all disorganized.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
