Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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