I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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