How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
