$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
