So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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