God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
