the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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