Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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