so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
