I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize